The Cri De Coeur Of Life....Or Not! - Part 3

Before you embark further, kindly go through this blog to have the accurate understanding of what is love, infatuation, and lust. 

You might think that you know their semantic differences in their usage.

But, how far have you implemented them in real life?

It has a set of hard-hitting 20 questions to keep yourself in balance from not abusing the person and yourself by making a jumbled mess of these three terms.

I was about to ask 5 or 6 questions like material possessions, accepting other person's idiosyncrasies, being real, emotional fulfillment etc. 

But, this write-up covered more questions than I had at the moment.

Of course.

Savage truth to yourself for every question is the mandatory pre-requisite.  

It goes without saying.

Why so many discrete blog parts where I had to elaborately speak about experience, Maslow's hierarchy, love, infatuation, and lust now?

The answer is pretty simple and straight-forward. 

None of them is discrete and dangles like a broken arm but Part 1 and Part 2 of this series has a sound logical connection with this blog on an emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological, mental,  and relational level.

It started with an innocuous status on Facebook.

Yep. Facebook again. 

And, you guessed it right.

It snowballed into a verbal volleyball where my friend and I had our own opinions and definitions of what Love is. 

True Love is when you are contented and satisfied with each other without any flamboyance of societal constructs of candlelight dinners or expensive gifts or the desire and want to impress one another.

This is the verbatim FB post and the conversation began as below:   

S - my Friend and V - Myself

S:That's right. But what is love if you cannot express it. And how to express love if not by doing simple things that impresses your consort.

V: Machi.....You have given me enough ammo to vivisection ur argument from various front...First up..I am sure u have heard about Classical Conditioning and Operant Conditioning...ELIFYing it further for those who are not in the know, it's the world-famous Pavlov's Dog experiment and Reinforcement Theory used in the corporates.....Keep this in mind as both the conditionings are crucial to our open discussion....Second....Define "Simple"...differs from individual to individual and for the same person, it may also differ from one instance to another. Third "impress ur consort"....If a person already truly loves their consort, what is the need to impress him/her....

Combining all three things above, I will just give an example....Let's take 2 imaginary people A & B...A presents B with a sporty BMW car on B's bday to impress them...Now, B will have the expectation that the next bday's gift will be something grander...Conditioning has already set in...If that conditioning isn't there and B is like "A's love is enough for me even if I don't get a gift", then no issues...Sadly, most ppl aren't like that...Expectations hurt...Big time...So, on the next B's bday, if A doesn't give a gift that matches and fulfills the expectations of B, then B becomes sad and unhappy though they might show it or they may not show it... 

Where is love here? B does not love A but only the physical object of the material that A has to offer B...Okay..leave this example...U might dismiss my example as only hypothetical and arbitrary and not a real-world scenario...On the contrary, What I have said is a typical real-world scenario by only taking 2 imaginary people...But, I will speak ur language as well.....What will happen if a husband forgets their wife's bday? 

Tell me with ur heart crossed...will it be heaven for the next one year for the husband? Now, u can possibly say that it is the husband's duty to remember their wife's bday...Now, the important distinction comes whether u r remembering ur wife's bday as mechanical like a chore and doing it for the sake of doing it or u r remembering ur wife's bday and giving her a gift coz u love her...

It is applicable from the wife's perspective as well...If the wife loves her husband and knows that he loves her as well, then it doesn't matter whether the husband remembers her bday or not...But, if the wife constantly complains that husband isn't giving her enough attention as in their earlier days, then the object of focus is only upon the fulfillment of their checklist instead of having love as their primary focus....It is as well equally pertinent to men too...Before the marriage and just to woo their consort....They gather all information about them and use it as a well-laid trap to entice their consort like an animal to a prey....If u really love a person, u don't have to lay traps....The moment when u do it, it's just to satisfy ur carnal pleasures....

How does it matter? It matters a fucking big time...

When u set traps to entrap a person into marriage, it's more of a personal game than being in the lasting feeling of love with the other person...After marriage, the two ppl will end up in quarrels, fights and ultimately in divorce...that's y some (read: most) of the love marriages end up as failures because the two ppl were playing games with each other catering to their self-interests and not for the other person...

By saying this, I am not stating directly or indirectly that arranged marriages are hunky-dory....It can also experience the Classical Conditioning and Operant Conditioning as well...and both the husband and wife discharge their duties towards eachother....

Duty without love and devotion is nothing but memorizing a rhyme and vomiting in school though discharging ur duty is relatively better than not discharging a duty at all....IMHO, enacting ur duty with love and devotion is the highest and supreme......

By saying all these things, I am not against the acts of exhibiting love as candle-light dinners or expensive gifts as long as the lasting feeling of love supersedes them....Some might think "hey, u r contradicting urself"....pls read the status and the comment thread again...My status doesn't say anywhere that I am against the flamboyance creation of societal constructs and my comments here also doesn't say it here either....

S: Let me reply you on your rather long post. Presenting something to your love is simply out of the affection you have for them and if they love you truly then they will understand your love and not place an expectation on the materialistic value. In your example above if A does not gift B the next year and if both are in love really then B will not expect. Similarly when A gifted a BMW B would only look at it as a material using which A has expressed his/her emotion. If the love is true then there is no question of expectation. So you may ask me why exhibit the love using materialistic things? Sadly, my friend, there is no other way to express and after all, you only live once.

And if you love your wife truly then you won't find it difficult to remember her birthday.

V: How can u be so sure that u only live once?

And, with this cliffhanger of a question, Part 4 will be the concluding cog to make this wheel of a series as a whole.

                                                                 X---To Be Concluded---X