FELINES' FELIX FELICIS

FELINES' FELIX FELICIS



PROLOGUE
All the said scientific discrepancies are mine and mine only and I am solely responsible for it. None else is to be held contempt for it.



It was like any other Friday ever since my college got over. Infact, I should say that it was like any other day of the week. Boring. Vapid. Insipid. Jejune. Bromidic. Barren. Dry and all the other words that are there in "MAMA" book for the word "DULL". Yeah. You guessed it right. From the morning, I have been sitting (read it as sleeping) and preparing for GRE and was going through that wordlist (with the majority of the words I got right for the word "DULL", I presume that I have read it properly, though it was a slightly far better lullaby than GEODESY) and many more wordlists until I took a break to refresh myself. Seated on a brown chair in the verandah, with a blue sleeveless (of course to expose my muscles which I had acquired during this interminably long hiatus) T-shirt and a long black short to match it and legs stretched out onto the grill of the window, I was enjoying the panoramic view of my flats which I could perceive from the second floor of my home. As usual, it was dotted with only old grannies and their husbands, who were taking a leisurely walk. Sighing deeply and cursing that my accursed flats did not even have a single beauty (although it has innumerable paatis who were looking much better than the aunties); I did what I did the best - losing myself in my thoughts. Though I had given this thought a myriad time, I was still pondering over my career as to what I had to do at present considering that I had applied to half a dozen companies across India(none of them even bothered to reply except L&T) and with CTS planning to call – in their terms "as early as possible in 2010" and no opening available in any organization, it was certainly a deadlock situation and GRE was the only saving grace in this hour of need to keep me company. Yeah. I have chosen the correct option till some Tom, Dick and Harry company calls me. So, it would be better if I read my GRE and completed my exam with flying colors and in the worst case, if I don’t get a job by then too, I would start preparing for my admissions in Canada and work side by side as an Research Assistant till I departed from our motherland. Having gone over such an intricacy of a wonderful master plan in my mind once again and relishing the cool breeze that brushed across my face, tousling my already disheveled hair, I dozed for a transitory period when I was rudely interrupted by the gentle mewing of a cat. Spotted with brown patches here and there and having a piebald composition of brown and white, the young feline was adorable. (Pity, there wasn’t a dog in sight. Things would have surely looked bitchy then). I was watching the antics of the cat on the attic of another house when I witnessed a scene of unparalleled nature. The young prick jumped from the second floor of the building and landed on the ground with such poise and elegance, completely unruffled by the fall. This reminded me of a scene in KURUVI where our h(z)ero(needless to say who is it),gives a flying kiss to an eagle which was flying above his head, jumped from the top of building onto the ground without getting as much as a single scratch on him. I am damn sure that none of us could ever even think of doing such an act of bravado without breaking an arm or a leg or both except this ULTRA-TERROR-COMEDIAN Vijay **.

I had seen many a leopard and tiger jumping from small treetops without getting injured on Discovery channel. But, I was appalled to see that no harm had come to this cat, which had jumped from quite a distance above the ground (two floors to be precise) and yet remained unscathed. Seeing it, made me think as to what ever I had studied (and experienced) was completely mendacious regarding Newton's laws of motion or else why should there been the necessity for us to develop the parachute. Clearly something was amiss. Newton's laws of motion surfaced from the chasm of my mind onto the surface like The Black Pearl in Pirates 3rd installment. As far as I could remember, Newton's law states that the total amount of spin of a body cannot change unless an external torque speeds it up or slows it down. If that is the case, then how could the falling cat right itself properly in midair and land on its feet. This was the next probing question which haunted me like Harry Potter's dreams about Lord Voldemort. Also, if the cat does not have any spin when it is released and experience no external torque, then, it ought not to be able to twist around as it falls. So, in that case, the cat had to be as dead as a dodo when it reaches the ground. But, it wasn’t the case. So, the only possible explanation I could think was that the cat’s gyrations had to be that fast in midair for the human eye to follow to make the entire process obscured. Fine. So, one part of the mystery was solved. But, eminent scientists from all over the world had repeatedly tried to refute Newton’s laws ever since he propagated them. Just like the Spring Waves which pounds on the cliffs when the Sun, Moon and Earth lie on almost a straight line, their hopes of rebutting his theory were dashed again and again. This made me think how this small feline could disprove something which was long established and accepted by everyone. Deeply engrossed in such a profound thought, I lost track of time and to my dismay when the clock chimed 6 times, I realized, it was well past my exercise time. I was in no mood for exercise today as I had pressing matters at hand. Seeing the darkening clouds and inhaling the redolence of the fresh smell which emanated from the mud (that had got to be best smell in this world next to petrol and varnish), I lay there, redirecting my thoughts again. This was proving to be more strenuous task than I had assumed. Though I am not quitter, it was frustrating enough to fathom the answer to such an intriguing question. I was on the verge of relinquishing and getting back to work when a sudden motion on the ground threw me unawares. A young pup was playing with its mother and had been running hitherto for some time. Closely scrutinizing the lovely pup, for a momentary instant, I felt I had been hit by the IMPERIUS curse. Suddenly, the rumble of thunder brought me to my senses. I started shouting euphorically “EUREKA EUREKA”. Don’t even imagine more than that. All my dresses were perfectly intact. I thought I had made the discovery of the century. It made my heart palpitate faster like a hummingbirds’ beating of its wings. The only sound logical reason that I could reason out for such a phenomenon was this - When the cat rotates the front of its body clockwise, the rear and tail must twist counterclockwise, so that the total spin remains zero which is in perfect accord with Newton's laws. So, halfway down its fall, the cat must necessarily pull in its legs before reversing its twist and then should extend them again to get the desired result. Thinking that I had been able to decipher such a complex phenomena, I was effervescent with joy even on such a sober evening. But, there was just one minor tiny flaw in this explanation. I was wondering how a body could acquire spin when it does not have any torque. Immediately, I went in haste pursuit of my 11th standard Physics book. One perfunctory glance said it all. I was deeply exulted to the core that my theory was right. The explanation given was that while no body can acquire spin without torque, a flexible one could readily change its orientation, or phase. So, needless to say, the final inference, which I think even a small child would make out was that “Cats must know this instinctively”. I was rather elated when a sense of accomplishment fell over me.

It was then; I realized how wonderful would it be like if we were to be endowed with such a power. We could be a real He-Man or a Superman or a Spiderman *** or even a Batman (as far as the jumping part is concerned). For someone like an adventurous person as I am, this seemed beyond words. We could actually jump from the top of any building or even an aircraft without the use of any parachutes and enjoy the jerkiest jerking sensation in our abdomen due to the fullest effect of gravitational force. Also, for young lovers, such kind of a power would certainly be an exhilarating and a romantic experience .One could actually be in the arms of their loved ones and savor the pleasure of defying gravity and rejoice the howling of wind in their ears (I am sure the howling winds would scream I LOVE YOU in their ears until they land). Merely thinking of such highly unrealistically improbable thoughts itself gave me the thrills though I felt it would be real nice if it were to happen in reality. For a person who hasn’t been enticed by envy, for once, I felt jealous of the feline.



**
I felt that I should really tell this as it is of utmost importance. I won’t forget the day I watched KURUVI. It was a totally disastrous (and the most humorous day in my life) day as I had to be severely chided by my grandfather for laughing so cacophonously. I know what you are thinking. Laughing isn’t a crime. But, it will be, if one were to laugh like a totally mad, delinquent person in the dead of the night. I really couldn’t suppress my laughter seeing our h(z)ero’s introduction in the movie. And that was just the beginning. I suppose I need not have to complete the rest. So, to prevent such happenings in future, I made some solemn promises on that day. Firstly, I vowed never to see any Vijay movie again; however hilariously he had acted in it. Secondly, even if I did see Vijay on the television, (yeah you guessed it right) I would promptly change the channel. Last but not the least, if I were to see Nayanthara with Vijay, (Yeah you guessed it right again) SWITCH OFF THE TV. I would rather watch KOLANGAL and cry for watching such an idiotic serial and wasting half an hour than to get a heart attack and die eternally for watching such an abominable on the television. Needless to say, a hatred of many a kind enveloped me when I saw the posters of VILLU.


***
While I was thinking of all the unrealistic fantasies, a thought simply crept into my mind like a tortoise when I was thinking about Heman, Superman, and Spiderman etc. I was startled by it. There are innumerable colors in this universe. But, when we were to closely inspect the costumes of the super heroes (I seriously don’t know how many people had actually noticed it), almost all of them would be donned in red or at least have a trace of red on them (for instance, Captain Planet). Considering this, it made me ponder over this question - Is red the official mascot color of a super hero?? I guess, I must do my research on it some other day.



EPILOGUE

As I said, I was very happy for making such an astounding discovery that I envisioned myself of getting a Nobel Prize for it. Immediately, I rushed to check if anyone else has had the same brain wave as mine. What I saw shattered my Nobel Prize dream to noble pieces. A comprehensive Physics study had been conducted on a cat to see how is it able to right itself, as early as 1894 in France, using CLOSE RANGE PHOTOGRAMMETRY. It made my heart render. But, things got really worse when “UN KUTHAMA EN KUTHAMA, YAARA NAN KUTHAM SOLLA” was played from the nearby teashop. It broke my already broken heart.